The Fabulous Tales of the Green Gorilla & the Almost-White Panda

Autor: Momo Pete


There, my dear friend,’ he calls out to the Almost-White Panda, handing him the open coconut while his gaze wanders, fulfilled and blissful, over the imposing treetops of the forests below. This simple existence in the green, wild jungle is his real life.

The Almost-White Panda is fully in his element: he has the bamboo shoot tofu sausages in front of him. Beside them is a sealable, reusable bamboo tube filled with the ketchup, and right next to that is the soy mayo, also in a sealable, reusable tube made of bamboo.

The Green Gorilla has already admired the spectacle that now takes place hundreds of times, in different variations, with the utmost awe.

The Almost-White Panda pushes a not-straight, short, tofu sausage into his right Panda cheek, which bulges out massively. He sucks the ketchup from the tube into his left cheek, and lets the mayo run in viscously between his lower lip and lower jaw. With this pumped-up, Panda-botox face, he pushes the sausage from his right cheek into his left cheek with perfect concentration (his round, black pupils attentively following every movement) - easily, like a juggler. Then, with the help of his tongue, he dips it into the ketchup in his left cheek and, after a brief half-turn that lets one end of the sausage peek out of his mouth again, takes a generous bite out of the ketchup tip. The sausage is immediately sucked back inside, slanted up in his mouth, which can be seen when the Panda suddenly stretches his neck, looking at the tip of his nose. The sausage now dives devotedly into the stored mayo between his lower lip and lower jaw, before his tongue nimbly moves it into the ketchup cheek on the left and dips it in there, together with the mayo. After the mayo and ketchup have been perfectly mixed together in this way, the sausage is turned around in his mouth again, and finally swallowed with full enjoyment and in its entire length.

It is best not to address the Almost-White Panda at this venerable sausage ceremony. Do not even look at him. It is completely uninvolved - which takes many years of training. Above all, don't make any jokes or weird faces, because otherwise you would have to expect a violent fit of laughter and a spitting effect that completely colours the surroundings (i.e. the Green Gorilla, red and white), or else results in heavy swallowing, hard pats on the back and spectacular coughing. At this point, a good sip of coconut water always comes in handy as a first aid infusion.

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